I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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