I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
