And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
