whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
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