i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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