Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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