What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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