fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
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