Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
