My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize
