Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
What a dumb baby whore.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
