Yo dont text me then not text me
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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