I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize