He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
