I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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