Three words: puerto rican gang bang
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
