dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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