I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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