I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize