Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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