You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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