How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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