I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize