She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
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