pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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