hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
