I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
