he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
