Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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