Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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