he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
