hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
