I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
