Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
