Jerry, you need to find god
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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