I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
