it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
