Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
