I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
