Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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