just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
