plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
These tits shall not be calmed
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
