Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize