We're facebook friends in real life
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
