At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
