Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
