Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
