Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
