I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
