His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize