There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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