yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Randomize
