why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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