my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
