i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
