I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
