last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
