why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
