We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
