Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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