It's like God shit irony all over that family
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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