my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
