glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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