It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
