there was a trapeze. enough said
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
