I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
