Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
