week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize