Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
