he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
