I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we're so committed to being not committed
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
