you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
