So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
