i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
