I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I'm really busy with my period
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