You made me cry and you don't even care
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
