My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
