i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I just googled if crying burns calories
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Randomize
