If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Is it because I queefed?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
