He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
My friends, they love my intelligence
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
is wine microwaveable?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
