I seem to have left my pride at pride
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
