i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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