I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
