this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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