i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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