smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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