Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
