I'm so fucking centered right now
oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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