Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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