i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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